Bittersweet Revenge
by sweetcrimefighter
Summary: AU Story Brooke Davis, a 17 year old girl, gets attacked in her own home. Who will save her ? Will she survive ? --BRUCAS--
1. The Attack

**Summary : _Brooke Davis, a yound 17 year old girl, gets attacked in her own home, who will be there to save her ? Will she survive ?_**

**Bittersweet Revenge**

**The Attack**

Brooke Davis is a sweet and very cheery 17 year old girl. She's a cheerleader, she's popular and is kind to everyone, well, almost everyone. Her best friends are Marvin Mcfadden, Mouth as everyone calls him, Nathan Scott, Haley James Scott, Nathan's wife, Lucas Scott and her very best friend in the world, Peyton Sawyer.

It's the night of the homecoming dance and Brooke is going alone, since she has no date. Not that she minds, she knows she could have any guy she wants, but her heart belongs to another.

She has always been in love with Lucas Scott, but he is Peyton's boyfriend, has been for 2 years. But Brooke doesn't think it'll last, Peyton is always down when she's with him lately and Lucas doesn't seem to be so happy with her anymore too.

Brooke is standing in front of the mirror in her room, staring at herself and the dress she's in. She's wearing a long silver strapless dress with glitters on it. She made the dress herself a few weeks ago. She loves making clothes.

She has some make-up on, light silver eye-shadow, a little blush and a silver sparkly lipstick that all matches her dress. She looks beautifull.

Her long hair is Hanging down her back, with a few loose strains down her face. She's never looked more pretty, even if she's the only one who thinks so.

She decides to walk to the school gym, since it's only a 10 minute walk from her house and it's very hot outside.

She walks downstair, makes sure all the lights are off in the house and finally, after about 5 minutes, she leaves the house, closing the door behind her.

It's a short and sattisfying walk to the gym, the gentle breeze passing through her face and hair.

Once she enters the gym, all eyes seem to be locked on her. She deffinately is the jewel of the night. Mouth and his girlfriend Shelley meet her while she is still standing in the doorway of the gym.

"Brooke, you look beautifull." Mouth says as he gives her a hug.

"Thanks, you look very handsome yourself. But I must say your date really outshines you. You never told me she was such a hottie." Brooke smirks, making both Mouth and Shelley blush.

"Have a good time kids. Save me a dance Mouth." Brooke says with a wink. Mouth gives her one last smile and wave before dissapearing in the crowd with Shelley.

Brooke looks around for the rest of her friend, Nathan and Haley are dancing to a Gavin Degraw song, while she sees Peyton sitting at a table looking very grumpy.

Brooke walks over to her and sits down in the chair next to her.

"Hey P. Sawyer, you look awsome. So wanna tell me what's with that frown on your face ? It's gonna give you rinckles you know." Brooke says, trying to make Peyton smile.

"Luke and I broke up. You look amazing btw." Peyton says, trying to quickly change the subject.

"Thanks, and, what do you mean, Luke and you broke up ?" Brooke asks, pretending as if she's sad for her friend instead of jumping up and down in her mind.

"Exactly what I said, Luke and I broke up. We had a fight, again, and we both screamed at each other that it's over. Now you know, now you can go and hook up with him." Peyton bluntly says, kind of pissing Brooke of.

"What do you mean by that ?" Brooke says with an angry tone of voice, off course, she knows what Peyton means by it, but she wouldn't do that to her.

"Oh come on Brooke, you've had a huge crush on Luke ever since he joined the basketball team. And you know he feels the same." Peyton says, tears glissering in the corner of her eyes, making Brooke feel sad for her.

"Regardless of how I feel, I would never do that to you P. and Lucas wouldn't either. He loves you. I'm sure you'll get back together soon." Brooke says, not thinking about herself now, but only about her best friend who is clearly hurting.

"No, he doesn't love me. Maybe he did once, but not anymore. I don't think I still love him. We've been having trouble for a long time." Peyton explains, emmediately, Brooke thinks it's because of her and she feels extremely guilty.

"It's not your fault." Peyton says when she sees the expression on Brooke's face.

"We just started growing apart and the more we grew apart, the more we started to fight. Look, if you get together with Lucas, I won't hold it against you, but just don't do it tonight, okay ?" Peyton pleads to Brooke.

Brooke sighes and takes Peyton in a hug.

"Listen, You know I've always had feelings for Luke, but I would never do anything about it, not even now. Not if there's still a chance for you two. I want to see you happy, if you're happy, I'm happy." Brooke says, trying to comfort her friend.

"I don't think we'll get back together. I hope we can learn to be friends again, but nothing more. But I do think I need some time to moarn." Peyton says, letting go of Brooke in the process.

"Okay, whatever you need sweetie, just know I'm here for you." Brooke says.

"Thanks, but for now, I just think i want to be alone. I'm gonna head home, clear my head a little." Peyton says, standing up.

"Do you want me to come with you ?" Brooke asks, truly concerned about her friend.

"No, thanks. I'll be fine. I'll see you monday in school." Peyton says, walking away from her friend.

A few minutes later, Brooke stood up to get a glass of punch. Suddenly, she was really thirsty. As she was pouring her drink, she saw a familiar face standing next to her. She wanted to say something, but strangly, she was afraid, very unlike her.

"So, is she really pissed of ?" Lucas finally asks her, with the same broody face he always has.

"Not really, a little sad, but that'll pass. She hopes you two can still stay friends." Brooke says, trying to avoid looking at him. Because when she looks at him, all she can ever think of are his lips and how much she wants to kiss them.

"I was hoping for that too. It just was time, you know ? All that bickering wasn't good for either of us." Lucas explains, Brooke just gives him a friendly smile.

"Hey, guys. What's up ? Where's Peyton ?" Nathan says, he and Haley had just joined them after finishing their dance.

"Peyton's gone home. She and Luke broke up. But they both wanna stay friends, even though they haven't talked to each other yet. Right Luke ?" brooke says, smirking, she loves telling the dirt about her friends to her other friends.

"Right, and I'm gonna go talk to her right now. See you guys later. Thanks Brooke." Lucas says, giving Brooke a peck on the cheeck, making her blush.

"My my, aren't we happy tonight ?" Haley laughs as she sees Brooke's delighted smile on her face. Brooke quickly looks the other way.

Brooke has a great time the rest of the night, she dances and laughes with her friends, including a slow dance with Mouth and Nathan.

At the end of the night, Haley and Nathan are crowned Homecoming King and Queen, which everyone already knew would happen.

Around 2 am Brooke says her goodbyes to her friends and walks home.

Once she reaches her house, she notices something strange. The door is open. Did she leave the door open ? She doesn't think so.

She carefully opens the door. It's very dark inside, all the lights are still out, except one, in her mother's jewell room. All the jewells and money of her mother are kept in that room, in a safe off course.

"I didn't turn that light on." Brooke says to herself, but appearantly she said it too loud, because the light suddenly turns off.

Brooke hides behind the kitchen door, hopen whomever was in that room, is gone now. Several minutes later, all though it feels like hours, the front door slams shut. Releived, Brooke comes out of hiding.

"Pollice, I have to call the pollice." Brooke says to herself.

She turns around to turn the light on when suddenly, she is pushed and falls to the floor.

She screams, she's stunned from what just happened. She can feel someone ontop of her... a fist slams into her face, another one, and yet another one. She raises her hands, but it's not use. They keep beating her.

After what seems like hours, but were probably just minutes, the beating stops. Brooke can feel someone's breath in her neck, she can only slightly open her eyes, but she does. She can't see who is sitting on her, but what she sees next, almost scares her to death.

Her attacker pulls a knife out of his pocket, raises it and jams it into her stomach. A sharp pain surges through her body as she feels her life drain out of her. Her attacker stands up and finally leaves the house.

Brooke feels very dizzy, she can hardly see, her entire body hurts, but nothing as bad as where she has been stabbed. Finally, she passes out.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. A Painfull Awakening

**A Painfull Awakening**

_'It's dark here. I don't like this. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. How can I escape this darkness ? ... Wake up. I need to wake up. I need to open my eyes. Opening my eyes will make it better again.'_

Slowly, Brooke opens her eyes again, as much as she can. She knows what she needs to do, but it will be very hard, it will hurt. But if she doesn't do it, she'll die.

She tries to get up, but when that doesn't work, she crawls to the living room. She doesn't need to turn on the lights, she knows exactly where the phone is. That's one of the advantages of living practicly alone and doing most of the decorating herself.

The phone is one the small coffée table, she slowly reaches her hand, all though it hurts like hell she just wants to sleep. But she hangs in there, and dials the first number that comes to mind.

"Hello ?" the tired male voice answers on the other side of the phone.

Brooke gatters all her strength to try and speak.

"Lucas... Help... Me..." Brooke says, barely understandable, but she hopes Lucas can hear her.

"Brooke ? Is that you ? You sound awfull. Where are you ?" Lucas asks, suddenly, he sounds wide awake and very concerned.

"Home... a... attacked..." Brooke manages to say before passing out again, the phone still in her hand, Lucas still on the other side of the line.

"Brooke ? Brooke ?! Are you there ? Brooke ?! Hold On! I'll be right there!" Lucas shouts through the phone.

_'I'm in the dark again. I can't be here. I need to hold on. I have to much to live for. I need to tell Lucas how I feel. I can't die without having been with him. I need to open my eyes. Come on Brooke, you can do it. Just open my eyes...'_

Again, Brooke slowly opens her eyes, trying to hold on with every breath she has.

"Brooke ?! Brooke ?! Where are you ?!" Brooke hears a voice, it sounds from so so far, as if it's coming from her own mind, wanting to be rescued by someone.

But the sound isn't coming from her mind, it's real and very close to her. Lucas rushes into the room and turns on the light, trying to find Brooke, the girl he's loved for so long, but has always been so afraid to admit it.

The sight he sees, shocks him more then anything has ever done in his entire life. A beaten up and appearantly stabbed or shot Brooke is lying on the floor, eyes half open, clearly trying to hold on to whatever breath she still has.

"OMG... Brooke..." Lucas whispers. Without even thinking about it, Lucas lifts her up, and gently walks her to his car, carefully laying her down in the back. He then rushed over to the drives seat and rushes to the hospital as fast as he can.

Once there, he hits the breaks as fast as he can. He jumps out of his seat, again, gently lifts Brooke up, who still has her eyes half open, trying to hold on. He quickly walks into the hospital, trying not to hurt her any more then she already has been hurt.

"Help! I need a doctor! She's been attacked!" Lucas yells to no one in particular, hoping someone will help him.

Emmediately several doctors and nurses come rushing at him and place Brooke on a bed.

"What happened ?" A middle-aged female doctor asks Lucas.

"Euh, euh, I don't know, she euh... she called me, said she'd been attacked. I found her like this in her home. Please, please help her." Lucas pleads to the female doctor. She nods and takes Brooke away, leaving Lucas just standing there, figuring out what to do next.

Lucas walks around the waiting room for about half an hour before he realizes he needs to call Peyton, Haley, Nathan and Mouth. He decides to start with Peyton, since she is Brooke's friend and his now ex-girlfriend.

Peyton Sawyer is lying in her bed, peacefully sleeping. She's dreaming about her and Brooke celebrating 17th birthday, that occured 3 months ago... When suddenly she abruptly awakes by a ringing tone, her cell phone.

"Hello ?" Peyton asks, still half asleep.

"Peyton ? It's me, Lucas." Lucas says, while trying to figure out what to say.

"Luke ? Why are you calling me ? It's like 4 in the morning. We're not getting back together if that's what you want. We both agreed that would be a bad idea." Peyton says, thinking that must be the reason Lucas would call her this late.

"No, I don't wanna get back together. It's... it's about Brooke, Peyton." Lucas says, still unsure about what to say.

"Brooke ? What about her ?" Peyton asks, now getting a little concerned because Lucas is being so cryptic.

"She's in the hospital, Peyton. She's been attacked. You should come, I don't know how bad it is." Lucas says without giving her any specific details.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes." Peyton says and hangs up the phone.

"OMG." she says to herself, before jumping out of bed to get dressed.

Lucas makes two more phone calls after that, one to Haley and Nathan and one to Mouth. They're all on their way. Lucas would call her mother or father, but he has no idea where they are or how to reach them. Now that he thinks of it, Lucas doesn't know much about Brooke's parents or Brooke in generall. He hopes he can have a chance to do that.

He waits for about 15 minutes before someone finally arrives. It's Peyton, she's rushing into the hospital to the waiting room, where Lucas is standing.

"Luke, where is she ? Is she alright ?" Peyton asks as soon as she reaches him. It looked like she had been crying on her way over here.

"She's in surgery. She's badly beaten and, god, she's been stabbed." Lucas informs Peyton.

She can't believe what she just heard, her best friend, stabbed. She can't loose Brooke, she's all she has. Peyton stumbled to a chair and sits down, her hands before her face, she's crying. Lucas doesn't really know what to do, he's not her boyfriend anymore, should he comfort her ? But he is her friend, and friends help each other through the rough times.

He sits down besides her and takes her in his arms, where she cries even more. He has no idea what to say, he could tell her everything will be fine, but he won't, he's not sure everything will be fine.

Not too long after that, Mouth arrives and eventually Haley and Nathan arrive too. Time and time again, Lucas explains what happened. Mouth appears to be in shock, he doesn't know what to say, while Haley follows Peyton's lead and cries in Nathan arms.

Lucas is trying so hard to be the brave one in this situation, but it's so difficult, since all he wants to do is cry. He's the only one who knows how badly she has been hurt, he's the only one who has seen her.

As they are all waiting for the doctor to come out, the pollice arrives and asks for the one who brought Brooke in. Lucas informs them it was him and is taken to a private room for questioning.

"How did you find miss. Davis ?" they ask him, Lucas is getting the feeling that they think he has something to do with the attack, but he stays calm and explains what happened, yet again.

"She called me, between 2.30 am and 3.00 am. She sounded really bad on the phone and was asking for help, so I rushed over to her house and found her on the floor." Lucas explains, hoping they will believe him.

"We'll have to take your phone, to verify your story." The officer that seems the most friendly says, Lucas nods, takes out his phone and hands it over to the officer.

"You will find who did this to her, won't you ?" Lucas asks as they are getting ready to leave.

"We'll try." The other pollice officer now says before leaving the room with his partner. Lucas sighs and returns to the waiting room, rejoining the other. They ask him what that was all about and he tells them it was just part of the investigation because he brought Brooke in.

All they do now is sit in sillence, waiting for a doctor to come out. Hopefully to tell them that Brooke would be completely fine. After hours of waiting, the female doctor that took Brooke, comes to the waiting room.

She walks up to Lucas and the rest of the group.

"Is anyone here related to Miss. Davis ?" She asks, so she would know who to adress.

"No, she has no relatives living here. We don't know where her parents are. But we are her family. How is she ?" Peyton says, hoping the doctor would find it in her heart to tell them, even if they're not her actual family. The doctor sighs, but then speaks.

"She's been badly beaten, but the bruises will heal. She was also stabbed, but luckily, it punctured no organs. Your friend will make a full recovery, she was very lucky." The doctor says, giving everyone a friendly smile. Haley steps forward, with a dark look on her face.

"Was she... was she raped ?" Haley asks, she knows someone needs to ask. It's awfull to think something like that, but they need to know.

"We did a rape kit and found no indication of sexual intercorse, so no, she was not raped." The doctor answers Haley's question. Everyone sighs in relief, Haley hugs Nathan and Peyton hugs Mouth. But Lucas is still very concerned about Brooke.

"Will, will she be fine, mentally ?" Lucas asks, knowing that surviving this is only the first step. Something like this can affect a person in more way then just physically.

"She has no brain damage, but, she will need a lot of help getting through this. This experience will have most likely changed her." The doctor says.

"Can someone stay with her tonight ?" Lucas now asks, he feels very responsible over Brooke now, since he had brought her in and off course, his feelings towards her that are more then just friendship.

"Yes, but only one. I advise that the rest of you go home." She replies.

Lucas looks at Peyton with a very begging look in his eyes, she understand and nods. He can stay with her.

"Can you take me to her ?" Lucas asks, the doctor nods and she and Lucas walk away, heading to the ICU, since she has to stay there untill they're sure that she won't suffor any internal bleeding. The rest of the gang say goodbye and head home.

Lucas walks up to Brooke bed, sits down besides her and just stares at her usually so beautifull face which is now completely swollen and beaten up.

He reaches out for her hand and takes a hold of it, with both his hands. Her arms are so bruises and on some spots, covered with dried up blood.

"Hey pretty girl. I know you probably can't hear me, but talking to you makes me feel better, so don't laugh okay ?" Lucas says, half and half hoping that she'd open her eyes now and start laughing at him for being such a nerd. But she doesn't open her eyes.

"So, I've been thinking about why you called me and not Peyton or Haley. We've never actually been so close and I know that's partially my fault. I was always scared of getting close to you, because I feared I would tell you how I really feel about you and that you'd hate me for it. But I can't stay quiet anymore, Brooke. I... I love you, I guess I always have, but the fear that I might loose you made me realize it. So, now you need to wake up, for me. I couldn't stand it if I lost you, so, open your eyes pretty girl." Lucas says, watching Brooke, hoping from the bottom of his heart that she'd open her eyes.

But again, she doesn't open her eyes. Lucas can't stand seeing her like this anymore and his tears finally start flooding across his face.

About 5 hours later, almost noon, Lucas has fallen asleep, his head laying down on the bed, his hands still holding Brooke's hand. He cried for hours, hoping she'd wake up soon, untill he finally fell asleep.

_' I'm here again, in the dark. This place scares me more than anything, but I'm afraid of what I might find if I open my eyes. I don't know if it's safe. Will it hurt ? But I have no choice, I can't stay here, I need to open my eyes. I need to go back'_

As her eyes open, she struggles to adjust to the light of the room. She blinks several times untill her eyes are comfortable.

She feels something warm on her hand, so she looks at it, only to see that someone is holding it in his hands. It's Lucas, he sitting besides her, but has fallen asleep. She looks at the clock infront of her, it's 11.12 am. Her throat is very soar, but she tries to speak.

"Lu...hmm...Lucas." she whispers, not being able to make more sound. But it's enough, Lucas raises his head to see Brooke has awoken. He smiles and kisses her forhead.

"Hey pretty girl, you had me worried there for a second." Lucas says as he places one hand on her forhead and rubs it through her hair. She just smiles.

"Peyton." Brooke says, she knows it would be to hard to say whole sentences yet.

"She knows, she was so scared for you, she'll be glad to hear you're awake. I'll go call her right now." Lucas says, with that he kisses her hand and walks away.

She knows Peyton will ask her how she's doing, and if she would tell her or anyone the truth, they would be even more worried. So as far as everyone is concerned, she is still the same old brooke, only with some bruises and probably a scar now too. She could never tell anyone what she's really feeling, how all she wants, is to go back to the dark. How she wishes she would be dead right now, she could never tell, ever.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Going Home

**_A/N : Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far, I know this is a really short chapter, but the next will be longer, this was just a build up. Enjoy the read! Hope you review. :-)_**

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**Going Home**

It has been 7 days since Brooke was brutally attacked and stabbed. She has gotten a lot of visits from her friends and her cheerleading squad. But she doesn't really care about any of it. The only one she wants to visit her is Lucas, and she has gotten her wish. He visits her evey day for hours in a row. She's gratefull for that.

The investigation is stuck, they have all the forensic evidence, but they have no leads on who could have done that to her. She's scared that her attacker will come to finish the job, but a part of her wants him to come back. A part of her wants to die, wants to leave this world she now realizes is so awfull.

The doctors cameyesterday and told her that today she could go home. She told all of her friends she was glad to go home and sleep in her own bed again. But the truth is, she never wants to go to that house again.

Brooke is watching some stupid old comedy show on television when she hears a knock on her door. The door opens to reveal Peyton, Brooke sighs. She was hoping it would be Lucas. She hasn't seen him all day, usually he comes as soon as visiting hours allows him too, but not today. The day she's going home. Did she imagine his concern for her ? Did he do it for Peyton and not for her ?

"Hey, how are you feeling ?" Peyton asks as she sits down at Brooke's bed end. Brooke is getting really tired of people asking her how she's feeling, but she conjures up a fake smile and replies.

"Great. I'm eager to go home." Brooke lies, she can tell Peyton doesn't believe her, but before she can get a reply, there's an other knock on the door. It's Lucas and his mother, Karen Roe.

"Hey, pretty girl. Sorry I didn't come sooner, I stayed with my mom while she filled in your release papers." Lucas says. Brooke asked Karen to fill in her papers, because her parents weren't here. She called them, but since she would make a full recovery, they didn't think it necessary to come see her.

"Are you sure you want to go back there already ?" Peyton asks Brooke. Brooke knows she's very concerned about her and that she should tell her that she never wants to go back again, but she can't. She has to go back, if she doesn't go back, there's a good chance that she'll live the rest of her life in fear and walking through it as if she were numb, like now.

"I'm sure. I'm ready to go back. I _need _to go back." Brooke said, putting the emphasis on the word _'need'_. Peyton doesn't say anything, she just nods.

"Are you ready to go ?" Karen asks, Brooke nods. She's already in her regular clothes, she had changed before Peyton had come to see her.

Brooke steps out of the bed, makes sure she has everything she needs and hugs Peyton.

"I'll see you later. Thanks for everything, P. Sawyer." Brooke says before she lets her go and leaves with Lucas and Karen.

The drive to her house is silent. Brooke has no idea what to expect, dried up blood, things that are knocked over, she doesn't know.

"The house is clean, if you're wondering. Nathan, Haley and Peyton helped me clean it up a few days ago. I hope that's okay." Lucas finally says, as if he were reading her mind.

"That's great, thanks Luke." Brooke says, several minutes, they reach her house. Brooke, however, stays in the car as Karen and Lucas step out. Lucas notices and opens the back door of the car and sits next to Brooke, who is sitting in the back of the car.

"So, are you ready to tell me how you're really feeling ? I know you're not fine Brooke. I can see it in your eyes. I know we don't know each other that much, but I see you. I see you and it hurts me, because what I see is a girl putting up a happy front for everyone but is screaming on the inside. I see a girl terrified to go back in that house. Talk to me, pretty girl." Lucas says, Brooke sighs as her swollen black and blue eyes start to tear up.

"What's there to talk about ? You've said it all. And you're right, about it all, but I won't, can't... talk about it." Brooke says as she tried to hold the tears back.

"Okay, I understand that. You'll talk when you're ready. But at least come stay with me and my mom for a while. Or stay with Peyton or Haley, just don't go back in that house. It's not the right place for you to be right now." Lucas says, Brooke is suprised at his offer.

"I don't wanna bother Haley and Nathan. And I can't stay with Peyton, the last time I stayed with her, we had this huge cat fight concerning the bathroom." Brooke explains, Lucas just smiles.

"Then it's seteled, you're staying with me." Lucas smiles before getting out of the car to get his mom, who had been looking at the house.

Brooke had no idea what to think of what just happened. She doesn't know how Lucas knows so much about how she's feeling and thinking. It's like he's the only one who really knows her, the new her, that is. Because she isn't the same as she used to be, she's different, darker.

She can fool Haley and Nathan, she can fool Peyton, she can even try to fool herself, but for some reason, she can't fool Lucas. She wonders why that is. Why does he care so much about her ? She knows why she cares for him, but why does he care for her ?

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**_A/N : I hope you liked this, I know, not much has happened in this chapter, but more will happen soon. I'm talking drama, drama and even more drama. Mixed with a little bit of horror. _**

**_Again, thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, thank you very much, I really appreciate it. I hope you review this as well._**


	4. First Day Back

**First Day Back**

It has been a couple of weeks now that Brooke has been staying with Lucas. She's still walking with crutches, but it's getting easier. Today will be her first day back at school, she already knows what she can expect, stares, whispers, fake concerns, a typical High School day.

She has just gotten dressed, she's wearing a black skirt that comes just above her knees and a silver tank top. She is also wearing a pair of small silver earings, but no necklaces or bracelts. Her hair is hanging loose, she didn't feel like putting it in a pony tail or anything. If you had no idea of what happened to her, you'd say she is as normal and happy as everyone, which was very not true.

A knock sounded on Lucas' bedroom door, where she has been sleeping these past weeks.

"Come in." She says, again, putting up a fake smile. She is so tired of pretending like everything is fine and that what happened doesn't affect her, but it does, more than anyone knows. The door opens, it's Lucas.

"Hey, pretty girl, breakfast is ready. After that I'll drive us to school." Lucas says, Brooke smiles and he closes the door again, leaving Brooke on her own.

Brooke sighes, she doesn't want to go to school or eat breakfast or do anything. She just wants to dissapear, die. Living in the hell she's been living in since the attack, is unbearable. She just wants to be left alone so she can go somewhere and just die. She's not scared of death, it's the only think she isn't scared of anymore. As more days pass, all she wishes for is to go back to that moment where she called Lucas and just not do it this time, just lay there, and wait for death, which would have come if it weren't for Lucas.

Eventually she grabs her crutches and slowly walks out the room, to the kitchen, where they eat breakfast. She says a quick hello to Karen, Keith and Lucas and sits down.

"So, are you ready for your first day back ?" Karen asks, starting up a meaningless conversation.

"Yeah, I'm thrilled. Can't wait for it." She lies as she gives her a fake smile. If only any of them knew how she really felt, how she's screaming on the inside, how all she wants is to die.

"Well, we'd better go. Bye." Lucas says as he waves of his mother and uncle/stepfather. Brooke smiled, stands up and walks with Lucas to the car. Most of the ride is endured in sillence.

"Are you sure you're ready for this ?" Lucas asks, he's been so caring towards her since the attack, he is the only one that makes her feel a little as if she were still alive.

"Yeah, can't wait for cheerleading practice. They've probably been slacking of without their captain. I look forward to whipping them back into shape." Brooke lies as she smiles at Lucas, knowing he doesn't believe her. Lucas just sighed and continues to drive, untill he finally parks at the school.

They both get out of the car, and as soon as Brooke steps out with her crutches, she sees everyone around her is staring at her. Some students run inside and come back outside with their friends. All looking at her, gossiping about her. Brooke's heart is racing, all she sees are people who are out to hurt her.

"Brooke, are you okay ?" Lucas asks, worried about her as he sees she's gone pale and she begins to shake.

"No... I'm not, I can't do this Luke, I'm sorry, I can't." Brooke cries before getting back in the car, still seeing all the students around her whisper. Lucas gets back in the car and starts the engine.

"Okay then, we're gonna go back home. Don't worry, Brooke, everything will be fine." Lucas says before driving away from the school, leaving all the stares behind them...

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Second First Day Back

**_A/N : Hi guys, finally a new chapter, it's been really hectic since I got a new pc, but I hope things will calm down soon. Anyways, thanks for being so patient with me and enjoy this chapter._**

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**Second First Day Back**

_It__ has been said that fear is for the weak only._

_Those who have fear, are those who can be beat down._

_Those who have fear, always loose in the end._

_Is that true ? Is having fear a sign of weakness ? Will the weak always be defeated ? God, I hope not…_

Brooke Davis is writing in her new journal, one she started after the attack. One that can never be read by anyone by her, because if they would read it, they would know her. Her most inner thoughts, feelings, wishes… All about pain, fear and death. There's not a shred of happiness written in it.

Her hair is shorter than a month and a half ago, it's a lighter brown and comes to her shoulder. She cut it off a few weeks ago, when she was having a really bad day. Luckily for her Karen was able to make something pretty out of it and not ask why she did it.

Her clothes are different now too, darker. There are almost no bright colors left in her wardrobe, only darker, grimmer, colors. She mostly wears grey, black, very dark blue or purple now. Occasionally she wears something white with it. Her friends are concerned about the way she's been behaving, but she doesn't talk to them about it, not even Peyton, no one. Lucas tries, he seems to understand, but she doesn't talk to him either, it's too painful.

Not only is it too painful, but she's scared of what she might tell them. She fears that if they know the truth, they'll judge her. She fears everything now, going outside, having fun, talking, walking, breathing, existing. But most of all, she fears going to school, which was coming closer every minute.

Tomorrow she would make another attempt to attend classes, a second first day back to school. She doesn't want to go, she fears it, more than she has ever feared anything in her life. She fears the students, the teachers, what if someone there is the one who stabbed her ? She fears the classes, she's afraid she won't understand any of it anymore, because her mind is in too dark a place to work. She's afraid to talk to people again, she doesn't know what they'll ask her, how they'll threat her, and it frightens her.

It's after midnight already, but she doesn't care. She hardly sleeps anymore, because when she closes her eyes, all she sees is the knife. She's so tired of everything, she just wants to sleep, but she doesn't. Maybe, if she's really exhausted she'll sleep for a minimum of 3 hours, but mostly she has to settle with half an hour, an hour, give or take a few minutes.

Usually she just sits at Lucas' desk all night, thinking, writing. Tonight is no different.

_What if I run away ? Would they blame me… hate me, for doing that ? Or would they just think I'm a coward, not facing my demons ? _

_I wish I didn't have friends, that I was a loner loser, that no one cared. It would make things easier. Because all I want now is to be left alone. I just wanna get rid of my emotions, be numb. But I can't do that with Peyton, Haley, Nathan and Lucas breathing down my neck. They're making everything harder for me and they don't even know it, it doubt that even Lucas has figured that out…_

And so she writes, all night long, no sleep. She nods of a couple of times, only for a few minutes, not long, until dawn.

She starts getting ready around 6.30 am. She takes a shower first, then puts on her clothes. She's wearing a dark blue jeans, a white tank top and a grey, white striped, sweater. She doesn't put any jewelry on and the only make up she puts on is black eye shadow and eyeliner, nothing else, not even blush.

She's walking without crutches now, she got rid of them about a week ago, thank god. Walking with those things was a bitch, that's what she told everyone.

Lucas doesn't come to her room to ask her if she's ready this time, Brooke had wished he would. She could have told him she needed more time, she wasn't, isn't, ready yet. But she knows she has to go back eventually, and it has been over a month already and she's almost fully healed, so she has no choice but to go.

The school had called her two days ago, asking if she wanted to see the school counselor when she returned, but she had politely rejected the offer. She doesn't want to talk to anyone, she only wants to disappear.

After taking one, final, deep breath, she walked out of Lucas' room, into the living room, where Lucas and Karen are waiting. They smile at her as she enters the room and try to make her feel comfortable about going back to school, it isn't working.

She sits down at the small, square dining table where Lucas and Karen are currently eating their breakfast, eggs and toast. Karen offer Brooke some, but she's not hungry. Even if she were hungry, she doesn't think she would be able to shove anything down her throat, it feels like there a tennis ball in it and besides that, her stomach is all tangled up in knots and she's very queasy.

She simply watches as Karen and Lucas finish their breakfast, during which she receives many concerned looks from Lucas. Karen seems to rushed to pay much attention to he, which she likes. Once Lucas is finished, they both stand up, say goodbye to Karen and go on their way to school in Lucas' car.

The ride is endured in silence at first, Brooke doesn't want to talk and Lucas is afraid to ask her anything. But apparently he controls his fear when he finally asks her something.

"So… How are you feeling ?" Lucas asks, hoping she'll be honest with him, which she is, sort of.

"Tired of people asking me that, 'cause I'm doing fine. Better than fine even, I'm doing fantastic. Anything else you want to ask me that'll definitely annoy me ?" She says, she knows she's being rude, but she's so nervous and scared for school that she needs to vent a little before it starts.

"No, I guess not." Lucas says as he lets out a sigh. He had always thought when he and Peyton finally broke up, he would have a shot with Brooke, but that wish has disappeared over the weeks. By the way she's been acting, he'll be surprised if she's ever close to a man ever again. They knew it was a man who attacked her because the doctors found some stray hairs on her body, which resulted in unknown male DNA, which resulted in Brooke being extra twitchy around men.

"We're here." Lucas says as he pulls up at the school parking lot. Brooke says nothing, she just gets out of the car and hurries towards the entrance of the school, avoiding all the stares she feels are directed her way. She was walking faster than she actually could, which hurt her a little, but she needed to get inside, at least that would be more progress than last time.

As she enters the school she feels her heart beginning to beat faster, her palms are all sweaty and she's scared to death. She doesn't look at anyone, only at the floor. Thankfully she doesn't need to look up to know where her locker is, she knows that by heart, she could find it blindfolded if necessary.

She open her locker with her number combination **5972**, grabs her English books, closes it and walks to her first class. She hasn't run into Peyton or Nathan and Haley yet and she knew Lucas would leave her alone today, because of the way she snapped at him in the car. She still had more than half an hour before class began, but she needed to get away from the crowd and the noise, so sitting in an empty class was her best option right now.

She opens the door of the English class, no one is around, which relieves her, and sits down at her old desk. As she looked at the desk she couldn't believe that she was the same person that had drawn hearts and stars on it and written stupid phrases on it. One of those phrases is _**'Clothes Over Bros'**_. Something she had written after she and Peyton had fought over some stupid guy they didn't even know anymore. She had liked it, she had wanted her future clothing line to be called that. She used to love designing clothes. But now she doesn't know anymore, the clothes, the phrase, it doesn't speak to her anymore, she can't feel the vibe anymore.

As she deepens in her thoughts, she never hears the door opening, but when it slams shut, she frightens and jumps up, fear on her face. Haley is standing before her, looking at her, Haley's face filled with empathy and pity, lots of it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to spook you." Haley apologizes, looking a little guilty, but trying her best to hide it from Brooke.

"You didn't, I was just deep in thoughts. What's up ?" Brooke lies, she's not planning to tell Haley that she was almost scared to death when she heard the door. Haley seems to know Brooke is lying, her expression tells Brooke that anyway, but she doesn't discuss it any further.

"I just wanted to see how you are. With school and all… and Lucas." Haley ads his name at the very end, kind of taking Brooke off guard.

"School is good so far. What about Luke ?" Brooke says, lying yet again. If it were Peyton standing before her, she would've have been lectured already for lying all the time. Brooke had never been a very good liar, but she was getting better at it.

"Nothing really, he just seemed a little grumpy when I passed him in the hallway." Haley says, Brooke sighs, she didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but it seems like that's all she does lately, is hurt his or someone else's feelings by saying the things she says.

"Yeah, that's my fault, I may have snapped at him a little, earlier. I'll apologize later." Brooke says, not knowing if she'll really apologize or not, because her actions towards him are so mixed. One moment all she wants is him at her side and the other she just wants him to go away and leave her alone.

"Okay, good. Well, I've got Math now, I'll see you at lunch, maybe." Haley says and starts to turn around, but then stops and turns to face Brooke again.

"I'm here, you know, if you want someone to talk to. I know we've only been friends for like 6 months, but I do care about you. And maybe it'll do you good to talk to someone you don't know as well as Peyton or Nathan or have feelings for, such as Lucas. I won't judge you, I won't even talk back if that's what you want. All I'll do is listen and if you want me to, help you. I'm always available, day or night. Remember that." Haley says, and before Brooke can even reject that helping hand, Haley turns around, opens the door, leaves and closes the door behind her.

Brooke doesn't know what to think of that, would it help her, someone she could talk to and wouldn't talk back to her ? Maybe, maybe not. She's scared to find out, she has no idea what she'll do, but she knows that what she's doing now is slowly killing her. She needs to do something, she just needs to figure out what. But those are later problems, first she needs to get through this day without having a panic attack.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	6. Confessions Of A Broken Heart

**Confessions of a broken heart**

The rest of the schoolday passes slowly; Brooke still recieves many stares of the other students, and Peyton and Nathan are still hovering around her, annoying her to death. Lucas and Haley avoid her; she doesn't know about Haley, maybe she figured out she just needs some space. She does know why Lucas is avoding her, and she can't blame him. She would avoid her too if she were him.

By the end of the day, Brooke is worn out. She needs to vent, hit something, write in her diary - anything. She remembers Haley's words; and now more than ever she wants to talk to someone, someone, like Haley said, won't judge her for what she's thinking. So, when the final school bell rings, Brooke goes to find Haley so she can talk to her. Lucas would wait for her at the car, she is sure.

After a few minutes of searching, she finds Haley, alone in the hallway, probably going of to see Nathan. "Haley?" Brooke calls out, Haley turns around, looks at Brooke and gives her a small smile. "Yes?" She askes, Brooke sighes - her heart is beating faster, her body shaking and her palms sweating - she is petrified to do what she is about to do. "Can I talk to you?" Brooke asks, Haley nods and they go off and find an empty classroom to talk in.

Once there, they sit a while staring at each other in awkward silence. Brooke has no idea how to start and Haley doesn't want to speak unless she knows Brooke wants her to.

"I'm dying, Haley. I'm dying on the inside," Brooke says as the tears start streaming down her face. Haley sits beside her and rubs soothing circles in her back. She doesn't say anything; she had a pretty good idea that Brooke is feeling this way, but that doesn't mean she knows how to respond to it. Besides, she doesn't think Brooke wants her to respond.

"I wish... god, I wish I died that night. I wish I hadn't called Lucas, that he hadn't found me. I wish I could disappear and never be found again. I wish for death every single day - living is just too hard. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't come up for air - like I'm drowning. I just don't know what to do anymore," Brooke says - by now she is sobbing in Haley's arms, who is trying her best to contain her own tears. Haley knows that she needs to say something now.

"It's normal to feel this way, Brooke. You're going through something awful and it'll probably take some time before you start feeling even a little normal again. No one expects you to put on a brave face all the time - on the contrary, we want you to show your true feelings. If you show us how you feel, we can help you. But lying to everyone, including yourself, doesn't help. What you've done now, tell me how you feel, that will help. Maybe not right now, but you'll feel better because you talked about it," Haley says, Brooke is speechless, she doesn't know what to say. She had no idea they all knew how she really feels...

"Thank you, Haley," Brooke responds, Haley gives her a smile and hug. Together, they walk out the classroom into the parking lot, Haley to Nathan and Brooke to Lucas. Lucas looks worried, he can tell she's been crying, but, for the first time, Brooke feels lighter. She feels some sense of hope, it's liberating...

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	7. Author's Note

_**Author's Note:**_

_Hi, everyone. First of all, I want to apologize for the slow updates. I realize that you are waiting for new chapters and I am dissapointing you all. I just want to assure everyone that none of my stories are on hiatus (especially my beloved Twilight stories, but also the OTH ones and the Charmed one), I just have trouble writing for some. I also want to explain why I haven't been writing much lately._

_I just want to say that I love to write; it's my number one passsion, has been since I was a child. And lately I had been wondering; why? Why do I even write? Why do I do something that's not worth anything to anyone? But I realized I was acting stupid (which is nothing out of the ordinary for me) since it is worth something to someone; it's worth something to the people who follow and read every chapter with dedication for the story I write, which is simply heartwarming. I love all my readers and without you, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far with my writing. So, thank you. You'll never know how much all your support means to me._

_And I do it because I love it, it's as simple as that. I guess I had forgotten that somewhere along the way. I just needed a few reminders. I'll never stop writing and I will finish each story currently on my account._

_My main focus stories right now are:_

_Captivity  
__They'll Never Know  
__Concrete Angel_

_It's not because of the reviews they receive or something; it's just because I have them all worked out in my mind. So those will be updated the most, the rest will have slower updates but I will update them. I promise you. And I don't lie; if I make a promise, I stick to it. No matter how hard it may be sometimes._

_So, until I post again (which will be a story chapter). I hope you forgive me for my slow updates and I will work as hard as possible to update more from now on._


	8. Chapter 8

_**Author's note:**_

Hey, all. I know I promised I'd keep updating regularly and not disappear anymore, but there were things I just couldn't walk away from to write a story. My dad got sick, really sick, he almost died. He had to have this massive surgery and it was very touch and go for a while. I've been spending almost all my time with him in the hospital. He's only been home since last tuesday and he still has a lot of health problems we need to be careful off and has 3 nurses a day coming to take care of something still from the surgery. If my dad can get through this next month, through christmas and his birthday (January 1st) okay, then I'm back. If there's another setback, if he dies like they say is still a possibility due to some complications he could have, especially blood clots (he's had them before), then I don't know. I'll let you know at the beginning of January. Again, I'm very sorry, but my family is more important to me than a few stories. I love writing these stories, I do, but they're not the most important things in my life. Sometimes, you gotta set some things aside for more important things, which is what I've been doing these last months. Please bare with me for another couple of weeks, and then I'll let you know the outcome. Then I'll let you know if I'll be back or not.

Lots of love,

Lieselot.


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